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Appearances versus what’s behind it

In one of my latest posts, I’ve already shared my opinion on love in these generations. It’s not easy for anybody. Everyone seems to complicate every inch of this generally beautiful emotion. Why’s that? Well, the human being tends to be withdrawn. Shy. Even uncomfortable in situations like this. I can speak from experience: The moment, I get along with somebody, anxiety fights its way through to my mind. Even if we conquer this anxiety, there’s always another problem, too. People fall in love because of wrong reasons: Appearances. Not everybody, but many, many people. 

People should fall in love with their eyes closed.
– Andy Warhol

Ever thought: Would (s)he be dating me if I looked differently? Ever heard the sentence: “(S)he’s not my type.” before even getting to know this person? I will be honest with you: I’m guilty myself. I caught myself not even trying when the appearances were not ‘my type’. Even if I would like to say that the character is the only thing important to get to know somebody, it’s not right. I would be lying.

Beforehand, I want to say: It’s not bad to have a specific taste. If you don’t like some aspects according to appearances, it’s totally alright! What I want to say is that sometimes, we should overthink our priorities. There’s a reason we got eyes. And there’s a reason we got a mind in such situations. The mind is to judge people by their behavior. By the way, they treat others (and yourself). The mind’s a part of us, so we can check if this person in front of us shares our moral worldviews.

And we got our eyes so we can see the person, the surroundings, and the movements. The eyes are a guidance and a help. They were not made so they can take over our minds. So that they can control the way, we see a person. And most importantly, they were not made so that we can let people in our lives, which shouldn’t belong there.

What I want to say is that people judge people by their looks. It may be that this person is good looking. Or, on the contrary, not really ‘your type’. Still, we depend on our decisions (of getting to know him/her) by the way they look. If they look scruffy and unkempt: Go for it. You can make up your mind and decide to not let them into your life. If he/she makes these contemptuous looks. Or if they just make you uncomfortable by the way they behave: It’s also alright. But the key for a happy life with someone else: Get to know them. Try to get in contact and see behind the cover. 

The cover could not meet your imagination, but the content may be the best you’ve ever read. The quote to not judge a book by its cover is pretty old, but one of the most inspirational ones. Just think about it: How would you feel, if the person, you wanted to meet, just didn’t choose you because of your looks? Sure, it’s always about the way you feel. If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it. But give it a try, if you feel alright with it.

At the end, it may be the character you’ve always wished for but never found in ‘your type’.

That’s where Andy Warhol comes in. We really should fall in love with our eyes closed. Even if the looks can give you an inside about what’s behind it, it should never be the decisive factor.

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl