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A Turkish girl in Turkey

Turkey, such a beautiful country. Such beautiful sights, historical places, and a great history. I am proud to be Turkish, I am proud to be a part of the Turkish community and the Turkish unity. As a matter of a fact, I am born in Germany, my language skills in German are way better than the ones in Turkish. And I love being a part of the Geman community, too. And still, the feelings I get when I’m in Turkey, are different. I feel like being home again.

The yearly vacation in Turkey is one of the highlights. I can hardly wait for it. It’s amazing to meet the people I love; Visit the places I adore and have some time for me, my family and friends. It’s the time of the year, in which my biggest responsibilities are a luxury while in Germany. I just have to have fun and look out for my little cousins, which are able to enjoy themselves anyway. But there are some points I want to mention. The point of being a Turkish girl, living in Germany and taking a vacation in Turkey. I am automatically a foreigner in Germany, no matter if I have the German citizenship or not. And, sadly, because I am living in Germany, I am automatically a foreigner in Turkey, too.

It’s not specifically for us Turkish-Germans, how I call us. I believe that everyone who lives abroad from their origin can understand the way I think and feel. It’s not bad, but I have to admit, in the past, it gave me the feeling of not being a part of any country at all. Even if I am strongly proud to call myself Turkish and German, I know that I will be a foreigner in both of the countries. 

Turkey is my homeland. It’s the place I can adapt the most since I believe that Turkish blood is coursing through my veins. I have a strong feeling of patriotism and I feel my pulse rising the moment somebody mentions Turkey. There’s a need of defending my country if somebody says something negative, just because I love Turkey with all my heart. We as children were raised with a huge pride for the country with the crescent-star flag. And as the only Turkish girl in the school, I attended four years ago, I was on my own. I was an outsider and even if I had some dear friends, the majority did not like me. A Muslim, Turkish girl in a Catholic private school.

What can I say? I am grateful that I attended this school because one of its benefits was that I grew a self-confidence and a bigger love for my origins. Being a Turkish girl was not always easy for me, and still, I never was ashamed of being Turkish, ever. And to be honest, I see myself as a part of both countries, even if others don’t share the same opinion as me.

I know that there are conflicts according to Turkey and Germany and the world in general. And because I’m not a blogger, who writes about politics which are this sensitive, I won’t take place to this, too. The only thing I’m writing at this exact moment is the way I feel. My emotions towards my nationality and my inner feelings. A Turkish girl in Turkey has no difference to all other girls in Turkey, too. We are who we are in the country we want to be. And as a travel-addict I already love all countries, I went to and want to go to. The only difference between these countries and Turkey is the special bond I have with my homeland.

And neither politics nor opinions of others can change this.

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl