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What happens if you hate having what you always wanted?

People want many things, very often. Most of the time we stay with just “wanting” it, but never work towards it. The reason may be that we hope for it to find us. Or maybe we see it as an unreachable something, just staying there until we forget about it. Whatever the reason may be: We want things, and sometimes we get what we want, sometimes we don’t.

And sometimes the one thing you always wanted, makes you realize that you actually hate having it. We had that imagination of possessing it and having it in our life. We had sleepless nights, wondering what would change if we finally got to the point where we could call it our own. And sometimes we worked so hard, prayed so hard, and hoped so hard… that, when the moment arrives and you realize you actually don’t want it, you don’t know how to react. Because what happens to us when the one and only thing you always thought to be your happiness, turns out to actually not being it?

We forget that the things people say about us are not who we are. But just as often do we forget that the things we want or already have, aren’t a “Me” or “Us” either. I, as a person, am not defined by the people I have in my life, nor am I defined by what I’d like to possess. Which means that there is actually nothing bad happening to us: We just realized that sometimes things, we believe to be good for us, actually are not.

And being capable of understanding and accepting it will release you and give you the freedom to come back to what you always had: Yourself. Maybe you can make peace with this memory and the now finished pursuing of the dream you thought would be the best thing to ever happen to you. It‘s alright that it isn‘t because this means that there is a new adventure to begin: The adventure of you finding your inner happiness.

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl