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Don’t look at yourself through their eyes

People, especially women, are used to hearing the affirmation of others. It happens to both sexes that they are often too unsure about their appearance, character or behavior. Too often we want to know “Does that look good?” Or  “Was that too mean?” Or  “Do you think they like me?”. And too often we are not satisfied with the answer. Because these questions give people a little control over us.

Someone who has the necessary self-confidence to stand behind everything that he or she embodies will not ask these questions. But someone who wants to do everything right, want to be liked by everyone, or wants to be beautiful, but does not manage to motivate themselves to do so, will ask exactly such questions. And as soon as those questions go to a person who does not want your best, it quickly turns into manipulation and control.

One begins to see oneself through the eyes of the critic. After all, he or she only wants the best for us. He or she is our friend. Yet, we are not beautiful anymore, and he or she won’t accept us like that. And now, we no longer are, what we always wanted to be. We look at ourselves, but we no longer do it through our eyes.

The cause is unfortunately not asking. It is the desire to ask. The inner voice that tells us that we need exactly the opinion of the other because ours has no worth. It is we, who look like this, behave or think like that. But it seems that the brain cannot accept that only we are able to evaluate ourselves.

It’s another thing to ask for advice. To have someone stand by your side in difficult times. It is another to completely disregard one’s own opinion and concentrate only on those of others. To make their opinion to your own, without using any objections or self-evaluation.

The cause lies in us, in our self-confidence. The cause is deeper than just asking, the cause is uncertainty.

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl