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Feeling overwhelmed by your Life is actually good

Who doesn’t know these days – Being overwhelmed by all of your duties, your responsibilities and everything else? Well, as a student, I actually do have a lot of time, especially when I’m in winter or summer break. University does give me time to study, keeping up with my friends and hobbies, and just being for myself. At least, if you plan your weeks and months effectively.

Currently, I can say – for certain – I am really overwhelmed by nearly everything. For some of my fellow students, the semester already ended in February. The last exams were written and the essays were sent. Well, as for me, I kind of got carried away by all of the first-semester-experiences. (Note to myself/everyone in the same situation: Just, stick by, the second semester will be alright, I promise.) I rescheduled nearly every exam in this semester because I kind of overestimated my capacities, and now I have to write my last exam for the first semester on the first day of the second semester. Yay. But, nevertheless, everything just became overwhelming.

I had four exams at the end of January within just 2 days. After that, my grandmother arrived from Turkey for her vacation here. My little brother was born just a few days later, and my mom mustn’t leave the hospital because neither of the nurses was able to manage her check-ups. Well, this was the first week of stressful events. But it was okay because I thought that everything would be alright afterward. Boy was I wrong. 

When I got the amazing (not) news, that I managed to pass just one of three exams, I got really de-motivated. One of the exams, I could only write in the autumn semester. The next autumn semester, I would be in the Netherlands for studying abroad and in addition, this was a part of a basis module, so I wouldn’t be able to take other courses at this subject until the sixth semester. And, well, if you couldn’t figure it out by now, I was totally stressed out because I got a chance to write this exam again in March, but nearly a ton of responsibility was now resting with me. 

Beyond that, at the time, I was now studying for these exams, my mother, my father, and my two sisters became very ill. I had to be the helping hand in every matter, had to study and not get sick at the same time. This, my dear friends, kind of made me nervous as hell. I just wanted to overcome all of this. Eventually, I got ill too. And then, I was overwhelmed again because I lost days in which I could have been studying but rather had to stay in bed. Thank god, my little baby brother wasn’t influenced by it at all. 

Besides all of this, blogging is so important for me too. And I reduced my posts from two to one just a few months ago and still, everything got so overwhelming. I was so released when I eventually got over the illness, as well as my family too. And after that, I actually got the now really amazing news that I passed my exam! Yes, everything went out very good and I couldn’t be happier.

But at the same time, I now stress about so many other things. When I studied for my last exam, I totally ignored the one I will be writing in two weeks, and I still have to do so much for it. I really can’t get out of that stress-cyle. Beyond that, we now organize a mevlid (Islamic ritual) for my little brother, for which I have to do so much. My acne got to another level, so I have to make a doctors appointment, which will let me “waste” time again. And a friend of mine is going to marry soon, as well as my sister who is going to have a party for her birthday just a day after the wedding of my friend. And I can’t stress it enough: I still have to study and study and study…

But, let me say something: In between all of that stress, I never really neglected my religion. I still prayed and read the Quran and never missed to be thankful for everything I have. After I deleted my Instagram, I made a new account. On this one, I only focus on Islam and my deen. This became such a routine and mind-reliever the past few weeks. And to be honest, now I can really see the blessing in the overwhelming situations. Because I really am tired. I am totally stressed out and I just know that I will get ill after my exam is written. The one thing I’ve learned in this phase was totally worth all of it.

It is that after every misery, it will be ease. It’s my fault that I wasted my time when I had lectures and University. It was my fault that I began too late with studying. I was always like “Yeah there’s enough time”, but I actually forgot that life never is predictable. There could be an illness which is creeping up on you and you just don’t know it. There could be plans changing because of everything. 

My mom said: “If you begin early, you will never have too less time.”

And she was right. I always procrastinated and had “Having fun” as my first priority, when I actually had to do other things. And then, I realized the fault in my priorities and regretted my naivety. That is the thing I wanted to say. I really am frustrated by all of the things that happened in the last few months because they really disturbed me from being organized and happy. But I actually am thankful that I got to experience it, at the same time. I’m a person who learns it by doing. And I actually wouldn’t have changed my behavior if I would’ve been successful with the way I was working. I would’ve not realized that I was wrong from the very beginning.

For this reason, I think that being overwhelmed by your life is actually good. And I really would not change a thing, because I just needed this experience. Through this, I was able to see where I was wrong and where I have to be better now. I won’t be doing the same mistakes in the second semester hopefully. And hopefully, this time, I won’t need to be sad anymore about exams, I couldn’t pass…

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl