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Treating the way you want to be treated

My sister and I were in the grocery store, the week before last. After we had paid, I said: “Thank you, have a nice day”, like always. This became very natural for me, after, just a few years ago, I said this again to another cashier in another store, and she was so surprised and happy to hear it that I’ve decided to do this every time after I pay. Well, my sister was surprised, too. She said “Don’t be so nice to everyone. Haven’t you noticed that he was really impolite?” Yes, the cashier didn’t say “hello” or looked up when he said how much it costs, but he really was nice when I wished him a nice day.

After that, I’ve tried to explain my sister my thoughts. She was understanding but actually, she insisted on her opinion: “Don’t be that nice to people who treat you badly”. I totally accepted what she said, but this is not the case. To be honest, I really hate naivité. If a person strongly believes that another will someday change their opinion if they just let them treat them in the worst way possible, that’s not being just “nice” anymore.

And there was this Turkish series (I just need to mention this because I really was frustrated about that) about a half Spanish, half Turkish girl (= Bella) who married a Turkmen. And his family is very traditional, which means that they wanted to have an at least Turkish daughter-in-law. After they heard about their secret marriage, the mother treated her as bad as Satan would do. Be it hitting her, trying to poison her, or whatever. Bella on the other side was always nice, courteous, etc. She actually loved her mother-in-law, and… You should understand by now, why I got frustrated. 


I’ve said to my sister that there is a difference between treating someone well or just being naive. Sometimes, a person just needs a sincere smile and nice words to be happy themselves. And as you remember, I said that the cashier in my story above, answered me very politely after I wished him a good day. This doesn’t mean that I don’t understand what my sister said. But, to say that the cashier didn’t treat me well just because he didn’t say hello, isn’t wise. He does not know me, so what possible reason could he have for actually hating, which makes him treat me badly? You see that it is important to widen your perspective. There could be plenty reasons why he didn’t say hello or looked up. Being in thoughts, overworked, or having a bad day are just some reasons. Which means that a nice smile can be very effective too, am I right?

That is the thing about treating others kindly: If I want to be treated in some way, I have to be like that in the first place. If you want others to respect you and see you as a peer, you should treat them with respect first. And if you want others to be nice to you, then you can’t be mean to them. All of this doesn’t mean that you should always be nice to someone who is constantly, or just sometimes, nice to you. Remember what I said about the series. If you feel treated badly, don’t be afraid to say them. Not accusatory, but explanatory. And if they continue being mean to you, just go away and avoid unnecessary contact. Because not giving a sh*t about negative people is the best way to live. Don’t kill my vibe, right?

If you are a person, who is overthinking things like that, you should read this post. And if you want to know, how you can stop overthinking, just pass by Thought catalog and this amazing post by Samantha Siffring.

Being a nice person is good. Being a smart person is even better.

Because if you treat people kindly because you know, they would and will too, it will reduce the amount of negativity in your life and will make you feel better. Because who doesn’t feel amazing if they make someone’s day? What do you think about this topic? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments!

Signature of N. Hilal from Selîhâl