As you noticed, I was absent for a very long time. This had various reasons. None of them was that I couldn’t take time. I think, if you have priorities then taking time is easy. I began with Uni in October and after that, I wanted to focus on it. It’s a very new time in my life, totally unknown and exciting. I wanted to have the full New-Student-experience, without something else disturbing me. And yes, I had a lot of thoughts about whether it is a good idea to just skip writing on my blog. But you have to understand that I invest very much time into my blog. From time to time it is not as easy as it seems to be.
Another reason is that I just needed time for myself. I felt that I lost myself on the journey named life. That I was not sure myself if I did the things I really wanted to do. Was it a good idea to start studying immediately? I always wanted to travel and I could have if I didn’t start with University this semester already. Was it a good idea to let go of things I loved because I was scared it could hurt me? Is it a good idea to spread my thoughts all around the internet and make me vulnerable?
I mean, even right in this moment, I overthink every sentence. I check the paragraphs over and over again if I said something I don’t want anybody to know. Yes, I do not have a big community. The monthly clicks onto my blog are about 100. Maybe almost 150 views, when I was really active. But still, a university is big. There are always people who will ask themselves, who this or that person is. And I could be one of them.
What I want to say is that I was uncertain if blogging was still something for me. Then I’ve remembered: I’m mostly doing this and writing all of the posts for you. For people out in the world who have some problems. For those who are afraid to talk about them and try to find someone who understands them. And this is my only goal: If I can help someone, just one person, it’s worth the vulnerability I feel immediately after I share something about me on the Internet.
Time. It’s what we all have, in the same amount every day. 24 hours. 1440 minutes. 86400 seconds. And we decide what we want to do with them. I decided to take some of the time and overthink everything I’ve made and done and just…everything. And that’s okay. It’s okay that I’ve told you on Twitter that I will be pausing my blog for one or two months. It was okay when I had to talk about moments I regretted. It was okay when I’ve talked about things with my best friend, things that we always argue about but never really talk about. And it is okay to just live and exist and do nothing at all. It’s okay to take some time off.
And believe me or not, nobody will ever say to you that you are selfish. Because let me tell you something: Everyone wants to do the same but never actually does because they are afraid. Afraid to be vulnerable. And afraid to confront themselves with some things they would’ve rather hidden in the darkest corner of their brain.
I’m here to tell you that some time off is totally alright. You can take a year off. Even two or three if you want. It turns into walking away from your problems and your everyday life if you never want to go back to the point, where you have left everything. To the point, you have to return, even if it just to tell everyone that you will be leaving for good. Or for renovating everything, taking out everything you want to see anymore, or what else.
But you have to face the fact that with taking some time off, facing your reality is the next, unskippable step.